no more drama

Wow, I'm tired of stress. I am ready for this semester to be over! We had Match Day on Thursday. It was the most emotional day ever. It was so dramatic and it felt like the longest day ever. They handed out our envelopes at 10:40 a.m. and we couldn't open them until 11:00 to find out the "big decision." It was just so emotionally draining and exciting to find out that we got our first choice. I am so proud of Adam! He got in to a top 10 ranked program in the US. The rest of the day was crazy and exciting with our friends. I found out that same day that I had an internship interview in Springfield for Monday so that was added drama because Adam then really wanted me to do my internship in St. Louis with him. Turns out I didn't get the internship in Springfield, so now I definitely have to start trying to get one in St. Louis. We have about 2 months to find somewhere to live, move, Adam to graduate, and me to finish 5 huge projects for school, while wrapping up my job. Who has time for all that while working full time because I sure don't?? My mom is super disappointed that I'm not moving home for 7 months too. She was really looking forward to stealing me for that time and planning the wedding with me. I hate feeling like I disappointed her and my dad but I am excited to start my new life in St. Louis too. Ahh, sometimes I wish I could be in 2 places at once because I miss how easy it is being at home sometimes with the family. I know it's not going to be easy in St. Louis once Adam starts working and has crazy hours. I know I'm going to get super lonely and I will probably start to actually miss school (ha! definitely never thought I would say that but it might happen). I also can't imagine being without Adam though. He is so sweet and funny (and currently making me a lemon pound cake!) and I love just being in the same space as him even if all he will be doing is sleeping when I see him.

panic attacks...

Wow, had my first panic attack last night in about 4 years! In the world of panic attacks it was just a baby, but it still kicked my butt. I'm really feeling it today too. I feel like I got punched in the stomach and I started to get a migraine in my am class. Yuck. It's crazy that I vividly remember my first panic attack my freshmen year of college after my grandpa died. I had them for a good four years after that but I haven't had one since 2006 (when Charlie told me he was moving to D.C.). Then last night I really starting freaking out about my internship after getting an email from my stupid adviser. Ugh.
So the School of Social Work made this huge deal of how I had to have all my paperwork (application, resume, etc.) turned in February 1st for my internship so they could start looking for placements. Well my adviser just called me last week and was like "yeah, I don't have any leads!" Um, wtf?? I'm supposed to start May 24th and I still don't have anywhere to go. If it took this damn long why couldn't I have waited to find out where Adam was going to be (on Thursday btw) and just tried to get a placement with him? They said that was impossible. March 18th was WAY too long to wait to set up an internship...yet it's March 15th today and I don't even have so much as an interview lined up. My adviser gave in the other day and said that I could start looking in either St. Louis or Madison after we find out where Adam is going if I don't get any interviews in Springfield but it's getting really late in the game now. Plus, I was kind of already planning on being home for 6 months to finish planning the wedding. Grr, I do not like this stress. Plus trying to finish midterms and ginormous projects on top of all this crap.
I am only freaking out a little bit about Match day on Thursday. It will be a huge relief to finally find out where we are going to be for the next 3-6 years. On the other hand, life has been so easy between Adam and I for the last 3 months. We have been so happy and stress free (other than me at times, ha). I feel like as soon as we find out where we are going, the axe comes down and we will be trying to find a place to live and jumping into stress mode. Okay, I am seriously not helping my stress level today. I am supposed to working on a midterm while on break at school. The weird part is that I am sitting on the second floor of Espresso Royale right now on campus :)

I'm going to start blogging again...

I've decided it's time to start blogging again. This idea occurred to me when I came across my livejournal account from over 2 years ago the other day. Wow, a lot has changed since 2007. The last post I had on livejournal was after Charlie and I had broken up and I was finally starting to pick up the pieces of my life again. I hadn't started dating again yet, but I was starting to feel better again. I'm glad that things are going a lot better than that now :)
I guess whenever I feel the need to write, it means that something is going on though. Nothing is particularly 'wrong' in my life right now, but I am definitely about to undergo a transitional period. In a matter of days, Adam and I find out where we will be living for the next 3-6 years. We also find out where all of our med school friends will be moving (fully knowing that most of them are opting to move out of state). I am also feeling very stressed about my upcoming internship for school. It is supposed to start May 24th and I still have no clue where I am doing it. My adviser was supposed to have helped me line it up already but she is basically an idiot.
I'm obviously also planning the wedding. I don't feel particularly stressed about that yet, but I feel like I should be doing more for it. I've also had 2 weird wedding dreams already. In the first, I was so excited to put on my wedding dress and when I opened the box, my wedding dress was fuchsia! Then last night, I had a dream that I showed up at the wedding ceremony and everyone was all stressed out and asking me why I hadn't planned the decorations for the reception yet. They then told me that the only option for the reception was purple candles because I took too long to decide (when the wedding colors are wine and orange). That dream makes me kind of worry that I already have these weird thoughts and concerns in my head and we are way too far out for that to be starting!